Courage is defined in many different ways, but there is no denying that no matter how you define it, you need it to become an author. Years ago I loved watching American Idol, then it lost it’s appeal.( mostly because of Paula Abdul) I’m also a huge fan of So You Think You Can Dance, (but Mary Murphy Drives me nuts). Recently I discovered a new tv series. I’ve become addicted to “Make it or Break it.” A show on the family network about competitive gymnasts. These shows all have one ting in common –people chasing their dreams.
I fin d it inspiring to watch them. The passion, the drive, the pure fire in the belly that makes a person just go for it. I love that. I had that, then I lost it.
When things started to happen for me as a writer, I didn’t hesitate. When contract offers came pouring in, it didn’t occur to me to pace myself. The fire burned hot in my belly, I wanted a career. I wanted to get my name out there, to get my stories out there where people could read them. I wanted to keep going. I quit my job to stay home and write full-time. I put almost everything I made right back into career with magazine ads, website designs, conferences and promotions. I forgot about my plan to start slow and build a strong solid career –until the time came when I started to dread sitting down in front of the computer.
For the last year when I’d watch So You Think You Can Dance, or American Idol I’d wonder if those contestants ever thought about how to avoid burn-out. Or if maybe the fire burned so bright inside them that they too forgot any plan they might’ve had and just went for it.
I’ve learned that there’s a time to control the burn, and a time to feed the flame and just go for it. It takes more than simple desire to achieve a lasting dream, be it writing, singing, dancing or winning a gold medal at the Olympics. It takes dedication, passion, and … patience. Like a career, a fire that burns fast and hot will burn out . One built with a solid base, and carefully fed over time will last. As someone who was struggling with burnout for the past year, I can tell you that it takes a lot to put out a true fire from within. Mine flickered, and even got to the point where it was only embers glowing in the dark, but it hasn’t gone out. The fact that it never went out completely confused me for a while. I’ve always been a “Joan of all Trades” sort of girl with the mentality of “Done that, what’s next?” But even when I was so burnt out that I thought I’d never write again, there was apart of my brain that kept creating story ideas. I’d even jot them down, then walk away from my notepad shaking me head. The burn-out ended months ago, but I’ve still not written anything new. Those story ideas are still just notes jotted down on a napkin at work, or a notepad on my bedside table. Then this week I realized what’s been holding me back.
Fear.
Yep. You see, I’ve never been one to plan. And when I do plan, I rarely, if ever, stick to it. But I’ve learned enough these past years to know that if I want to chase my dream, if I want to build a solid career that will last, then I need to not only plan, but plan smart and stick to it. No, that doesn’t need I have to start plotting every chapter of every novel (Thank God!), but it does mean I need to dig deep, past that fire in my belly, to find the patience to stick with my plan.
Anais Nin said “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
I’m thinking that’s true of careers as well.
UPDATED TO ADD:
So, I guess this is why I don’t often write super serious posts. I have such a hard time explaining myself. LOL I’ve gotten a few private emails and comments wishing me the best through my struggles, and I feel that I haven’t made myself clear. Yes, I’ve been struggling with many career things but what this post was meant to do was to share my epiphany with you all. This past week I realized that fear was a big part of what had been holding me back. Not fear of failure, or even fear of success, but more like Fear of Sticking it. I’ve always been someone who moved on, moved forward, as soona s I’d accomplished what I’d set out to do. I set out to write. I wrote. So part of me really thought I should move on to whatever was next. But a bigger part of me didn’t want to. Thats never really happened to me before. I’ve always wanted to move on. I thrive on moving on and changing my life up. I thought I was struggling to write because I didn’t want to write anymore, but I’ve just realized that it’s just the opposite. I’ve been struggling because my normal pattern would be to stop writing and move on to something new, but deep down I didn’t want to.
With that in mind, I’ve made some other changes in my life. Ones that are positive and will allow me to cut that fear of continuing on, gather up my courage, and stick with it. I guess I wanted to show that we all have our fears, and we all have to figure out what they are in order to conquer them and be successful. Because that is certainly what I plan to do. 
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Amazingly you are crystal clear – and I can totally feel your pain in this.
Now I just need to learn how to move past it
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Um, I understand and I think I went through this myself. I can easily get fixed on one goal it’s scary. Close to five years ago I wanted to be published. I set out to do so. Two years after starting writing, I got published. The steam in my engine waned. I accomplished the goal. Now what?
But, I’d been writing four years and it’s the longest time frame something, anything had gripped my attention. I still loved to write. I’d still loved to see my books in print or in a e-book.
After that I realized the choice was easy. Keep going, because I loved it.
So, yeah, crystal clear.
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Thanks for writing so honestly about this! I’m at the very beginning of the process but I know my nature – I thrive on change, too. Even with my college degree I never stayed in a job that I got it for more than 2 years without moving on. My hubby calls me nomadic and luckily he loves me for it.
I’ve always enjoyed writing and was surprised that I didn’t go to college for an English degree. The thing is that I’m a bit restless and needed a job that let me move around. I’m 34 and have kids now and sitting down for a couple of hours at a time is easier done. When planning my career I’ve always been aware that I will eventually want to stop writing and move on. How do you ever build a career instead of just having a job if you can’t stand staying? I’m hoping that the variety of stories and the small amounts of traveling to conferences and stuff will fulfill my need for change and that I can last. I want writing to be my career, the thing that I do until the finish line.
The good thing is, I’m even more stubborn than I am nomadic!
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This TOTALLY makes sense!!! And you know I”m totally cheering you on. I think I’ve always been the type to move on too–just maybe in a different way. I also think it’s so easy for us to be so hard on ourselves. We CAN take downtime, we deserve it!! You know, I wrote a buttload of pages in April, May and even into June but nothing much since and I finally realized this morning that maybe that was my brain’s way of telling me, “You’re going to be taking some time off. That’s okay.” Which doesn’t really have much to do with what you blogged about except to say, we need to be kinder to ourselves.