A few months ago I was down in San Antonio speaking at a librarian’s convention. The night before my panel some friends/fans took me out for dinner. On the way to the restaurant one of them asked me if the sex scenes in “Take Me If You Dare” are real. I laughed. Then she gave me a huge compliment, when she said, ” it just felt like you knew exactly what you were talking and it felt real.”
In the interest of TMI, I won’t answer that question here, but she made a good point.
Sex in books is supposed to feel real. A good sex scene should make your nether regions tighten and maybe even elicit a surprised gasp now and then. If it sends you to a cold shower or reaching for a significant other, then you’re probably reading a damn good book.
I don’t write a lot of casual sex in my books. My characters usually have some kind of emotional connection before they do the nasty. That first kiss should curl your toes. When his hand slides across her breast, it should feel as though it is happening to you.
There’s an art to writing great sex, and a lot of authors, especially those who write for Harlequin’s Blaze line, do it well. Some other authors off the top of my head who steam up those pages but also have that emotional connection with the characters are Shayla Black, Gena Showalter, Kresley Cole and Nalini Singh. (There are many others, but those are the ones I can think of right now, who are doing it right.)
In addition to having that emotional connection there also needs to be sensuality. When I first started writing I confused sensuality with sex. When my agent told me I needed more sensuality, I thought she meant to make it dirtier. Wrong.
Sensuality is exploring through the senses, to be aware and present, and experience the moment with real passion. If a sex scene reads like this: He did this, and she did that. Your reader can’t experience it fully. What do your characters see, hear, touch, smell and taste? This is what brings your reader into a scene.
There are times when I’m writing these scenes that I feel like I’m cheating on my husband. It feels so real. That is what you want.
BUT be careful. Do not weigh the scene down with gobs of detail. The reader only needs a word or a sentence here and there to bring them in. When I read too much detail on setting in the middle of a sex scene, I’m like, move on with it.
I sat in on one of Shayla Black’s classes about writing sex scenes. The thing I remember most is she said the scene should always move your story forward. She does this through dialogue. My characters always talk through sex, and it isn’t just ‘lovey talk’. I’m not saying they talk about stock reports but they usually are challenging one another in some way.
And you can also do this through internal thought. Say you are in the hero’s head. You can move his development (LOL) along, as he is experiencing the heroine. Maybe seeing her this way makes him think differently of her in some way, or he finds himself feeling things he never expected. That’s what I’m talking about.
Now, the thing I have a tough time with is the words we actually use in these scenes. I find myself using “slid” and “pumping” a lot. Get that Thesaurus out. Find new words, maybe even more expressive ones for those scenes.
Be creative when it comes to sex. Beds are nice, but it’s fun to get out of the house now and then. 
Try different positions and don’t be afraid to make things a little, um, awkward now and then. That keeps it real. Especially when one character doesn’t know what the other is thinking.
So, ask me any questions you want, except about “my” sex life. I’m happy to help. And what are some of the most sensual books you’ve read?
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I’ve been reading romance since my grandmother handed me that first Silhouette at the age of 12. My mother had heart failure…Grandma’s comment…You’re not going to have to explain things to her, and wouldn’t you rather she be looking for the romance in relationships?
She had a good point.
As for the sex in most books, I admit that I find myself skipping over a lot of sex scenes if they’re aren’t helping to move the plot forward. Those instances, I would be just as happy with the author if he/she would just allude to what’s happening rather than writing sex for sex’s sake. (Say that ten times fast.) When there’s revelation, subtle or not, that’s when the scenes pull you in and make it real.
-WW
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My grandma did the same thing. It was Harlequin Presents.
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LikeSybir above, I skip through sex scenes that don’t advance the plot or sound awkward. I don’t write a lot of them, but I strive for realism. My biggest obstacle has been pushing MY grandmother’s voice out of my head – chances are slim she’d read one of my books (she’s 89) but her old fashioned ways are ingrained in my conscious
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Dawn, My Grandma was the opposite. She loved those historical bodice rippers back in the day. She died last year, but she thought the current historicals were too mild.
LOL
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whoops, missed the typo there in the first sentence. That should have been Like Sybir…
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My wife is visually impaired and so I read to her almost every night. We read a lot of romance novels that have comedy in them, are paranormal in nature, or some combination of the two. Many books we read contain sex and we end up rolling our eyes or she has me put the book away depending on how good the scene and how realistic. One of the best for us is Vicki Lewis Thompson and her “Nerd” series. She makes her sex scenes sizzle and they involve all the elements you all mention, sizzle, plot advancement, and sensuality.
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I need to read some Viki Lewis Thompson
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I’ve heard authors say that most readers buy romances for the sex scenes or that it’s at least a major selling point. Yet I read comments like those above and some on the Write_WorkshopChat that suggest a different view of things. What’s your opinion? And why is it thought that so many readers read for the sex or prefer it in a novel?
-Laura #ww
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I think books that have sex sell more than the others, the exception being Harlequin Presents. But the books that are selling the best, most of which I mentioned before, all have the connection with the character. I think it’s what the author is comfortable with and the level they feel like writing.
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I LOLed about the describing the setting in the middle of a sex scene. I’ve definitely run across that in books and it’s like–seriously, she should not be noticing the curtains right now, this guy must be terrible in bed.
Some of my faves for spicy scenes are Shalya Black, Maya Banks and Lauren Dane. I also like Charlaine Harris’ love scenes because there is often a good bit of humor since Sookie’s voice and viewpoint are naturally funny.
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I know about the Shayla Black books, but I’ll have to check out the others.
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The first book I ever read was Chances by Jackie Collins in 7th grade. Ever since that book I’ve been an avid reader. Obviously that was not a children’s book. That was almost 20 years ago and I still remember one of the sex scenes from it. – WW
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Jason, I bet that was a real eye-opener for a 7th grade boy. I loved that book!
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I’m another one who usually flips past the sex scenes. I used to pour over every word of those, but they just don’t do anything for me anymore. Now I just want to get back to the plot and the action. If that makes any sense.
That said, a few other writers who do good steamy scenes are Alison Brennan, Jennifer Lyon and Shannon Butcher. For me, they write the scenes that are more likely to be read than skipped.
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Great post, Candice. I especially like your point about sex scenes needing to move character development forward.
But, I must also agree with the previous comments; I’ve read many a blog where posters say they skip over the sex. I, however, rarely do, because I’ll only read books that suck me in at page one and keep me there, pinned down. The moment a story lets me go, I’m gone.
I’ve read the first three chapters of many, many books.
And, by far, the best Sex and Sensuality I’ve ever read was Edith Layton’s “C” series. She taught me that if foreplay’s push & pull starts when the hero & heroine meet, you don’t have to “say” much to prove the bedroom mirror is steamed over.