What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last week I talked about the choices we make and the path we each choose, and I wanted to touch on that again… but in a different way.
When I first decided to pursue a writing career I went at it with everything in me. I was super focussed, determined and very lucky. I happened to be writing erotic before the genre really cycled in as popular. Therefor when I heard New York publishers were looking to start erotic lines I was in the right genre at the right time and things moved fast for me. 2 years after I decided to try to make a career out of writing I quit my full-time job to write full-time because I had contracts for novels lined up, and I couldn’t spare the time to work. I wrote 9 novels (and half a dozen short stories) over the next 2 years, and I was well on my way. Then I pulled back on the writing, and went back to work part-time.
If y’all want to know why I pulled back, I’ll blog about it another time for you, but right now I want to talk about my other job, and how it’s helped my career choices, and writing itself.
What I did full time before I started writing is the same thing I went back to – bartending and waitressing. I’m a 40 year old waitress, and I love it. (Okay, there are times I hate it too, but that’s life.)
What I’m loving about it right now is that I feel I’m actually helping some younger people find their own path in life. You see, I’m forty years old, and I work with a bunch of twentysomethings. Most of them in University and waiting tables to pay their way. Not only does working with them keep me young, but it also helps me with characterization in my stories. The funny thing is that I’ve recently realized that we help each other because they’re getting as much out of our talks about what’s going on in their lives, and life in general, as I am. It shocked me a couple weeks ago when one of the girls I haven’t shared a shift with in a while told me she missed me because I always made her think with my advice. I thought “Advice? I’ve been giving advice?” 
Then another girl came up and explained how I’d inspired her to follow her dream of being a singer. She’d tried out for Canadian Idol three times. The first two times she almost made it to Toronto Week, so on the third she’d fully anticipated making it only to have the judges comment on her eyebrows and say some not encouraging things. So she gave up the dream.
That made me sad because she was so passionate about singing, and I think if you’re passionate about something you should follow through on it. We talked a bit about how I got into writing ( how I have no education geared toward it, and it was basically all drive and desire that got me where I was) and I encouraged her. A couple days later she told me she was going for it- and she is. On Sunday night I went to a small private concert she did simply so it could be recorded for a demo/audition reel and I just have to say WOW!! This girl can sing.
I know that singing is a lot like writing in that theres so much more to building a career than talent, but just seeing the light in her eyes, the spring in her step, and the overall glow she had going on made my heart swell. She’s chasing her dream, and knowing that I helped her get back up after her confidence had taken a hit made me take a good hard look at some of my own recent choices. I really think I’ll keep working the night job for as long as I’m physically able because I love being part of so many people’s lives. Not only do they help me keep my characters real, they inspire me to practice what I preach. You’re never too old to chase a dream.
Do you have a dream? A goal you want to accomplish? Or maybe you helped someone else on their path? If so, share it in the comments for a chance to win a $20 Amazon Gift Certificate. If you don’t have anything to share, just say hi, and you’ll be entered. I’ll post the winner tomorrow, on Sundays News Post.
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My dream is to be an author and write novels
I love writing and so when I went to college (another dream which I accomplished) I wanted to make sure my degree had something to do with writing. Since I’ve always been a curious person who asks tons of questions I thought journalism would be a good career choice. But now I realize I want to be an author. I’m working toward that goal right now and I’m so glad I stumbled upon this blog and also Candy’s writer’s group. Both of which have inspired me and kept me motivated.
And thanks Sasha for your participation in the writers group and your feedback on one my scenes
I have 65,000 words now which is probably 50,000 words longer than I ever gotten on any of my stories. I am so excited. Even just finishing this story will be a huge a accomplishment for me.
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Hi Jason,
I admit that journalism always held a certain appeal for me to, but I chose fiction writing as a path because I was 32 when I started writing and I didn’t want to go back to school. LOL I hated school, loved hanging out with people and learning, hated classes and schedules and tests.
It sounds like you’re a dedicated guy, and I hope you stick with it and finish that book.
PS: I love Candy’s writers group… love it, and am always glad to take part. I hope my feedback helped.
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Sasha, this is such a wonderful post! And how nice that it’s a reciprocal relationship between you and your co-workers. Also, I have to say thank you for also realizing they can help you with characterizations. It just… drives me crazy when an author insists a 20-something will act X way because one person did. Ever. As a 20-something, if a scene/whatever makes me go O_o … chances are that’s how most other people my age will react to it as well.
As for my dream… I dunno :\ I’m kinda in limbo right now- but I need to find a job. Guess I’m kinda dreamless right now, but I hope to figure it out soon.
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One thing I’ve always seen as a strength in my writing is the ability to make my characters realistic. I knew it came from my own life experiences in work and travel, but it only just became clear to me that sharing my experiences and thoughts and such are helping shape real peoples paths too, and not just my characters.
Have you ever watched THE BURIED LIFE? Or seem the THE BUCKET LIST? I can remember when I was 18 I wrote a list of 35 things I wanted to do in my life (It was supposed to be 50 but I couldn’t think of 50). I started working my way through the list because I had no firm goal or focus in my life. When I was in my 20′s, my only goal was to enjoy life. I focussed on whatever caught my fancy, martial arts, travel, whatever… I didn’t focus on a career or goal until I was almost 33. I found that list in my piles of papers about three years ago, and realized I’d accomplished more than half of it even after I’d forgotten I’d ever written it. Maybe you should try a list of small things, and see if it helps you set yourself on a path?
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Sasha, I like that, thanks! I’ve kinda got the “big things” covered – 2 BA’s, a JD … which had been all my “goals” but then I discovered/decided that law wasn’t what I wanted to do. (Sad to have realized that after the fact, huh?) I’ve got loose goals in my mind – I guess I need smaller more doable ones to feel a sense of accomplishment.
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You sound like L, the friend in the post above that is a singer. She’s 23 and will have completed her 2nd degree this spring. She said that was one of the reasons talking to me hit home, I didn’t decide to start writing and going after a career of it until I was well into my 30′s, and she realized that while she enjoyed her schooling, something had been missing inside her. She felt that she’d given up on her dream to early. So now, after a couple years, she’s going for it again.
Perhaps you need to think back to what you dreamed of doing when you were to young to fear failure….or success.
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Throughout reading your post, I gotta say, it would make for a great story. Autobiographical or semi auto, I think it would be great. I could see a movie made out of it and everything! No really, I could see a group of friends, working hard at a restaurant/bar, learning about life, pursuing dreams, etc. And the fun that happens after hours, where the group exchange stories to each other on their lives so far, and what they learn from each other…
You know I’ve always wanted to be a writer. But I also want to be professional calligrapher and chocolatier! Here’s the thing,what I learned writing my stories, researching how to write, learning from published authors… If I never sell a story, I think that I will still want to call myself a writer. Because I am. Just like your friend, she’s a singer. Period. Making a living out of your passion and desire is everyone’s ultimate goal. But it’s important to keep telling yourself on your road to getting there… I’m a singer. I’m a writer. I’m a journalist. When I tell people now, I want to be a writer, I have that twinge inside me, like, Hey girl, you’ve been writing since you were 12! You’re a writer! So I’m living that dream. I’m writing. And you’re friend, bless her heart, she’s a SINGER. I applaud her for doing it, for not giving up. And I really, really think there’s a reason for everything. For you to go back to part-time, for whatever reason, your presence in these people’s lives, it’s for a reason.
Thanks, as always, for sharing…
Yazzy
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A writer writes. It’s that simple. You are a writer for sure, Yasemin.
Keep on following your path, and believing in yourself!
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OH! “Write it down, Make it Happen” is like, my guru book. I bought years and years ago and I have a firm belief in writing your goals down, making a bucket list! In this book, there are stories of lots of people who did that, and found that their goals were achieved!
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My goal is to be a published author. I’ve never before believed in myself enough to pursue that goal more then halfheartedly. I’ve never had a career, i just drifted, doing this and that. In HS I wanted to be a fashion designer, i even went to an arts school but I didn’t take it anywhere, i just didn’t have the drive. Of course I know now it was because of depression which wasn’t diagnosed until after my daughter was born. However, various things came to a head this past year other loop friends getting published, a life threatening illness etc and my bookstore job disappearing. I haven’t reached my goal yet, but I have almost finished the first draft of my novel which is one stop on the road. 12k to go
All this being said, since i won a contest yesterday..i’m good if you need to exclude me.
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Good luck Merlyssa!!!
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YAY on being so close to the end of your story Merlyssa! That’s fabulous, and I’m sure now that you’re on the path, you’ll keep going. Perseverance is KEY!
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I’ve accomplished a lot of dreams and goals, but my current dream is to publish books that can make a difference in readers’ lives. I’m entertaining people right now, but I’d like to leave behind something beyond entertainment.
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Entertainment is a huge thing. I always find it plain stupid how some people think that commercial fiction is a cop-out or somehow easier than literary or non-fiction works. People need to be entertained, and people need to be able to escape their own reality, if only for a little while, at times. We offer that. YOU offer that with your stories. I know that because i’ve read your stories. It’s good to want to do more, but don’t lessen what you’ve already done.
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Entertainment is worth a lot, I know. And maybe we can never judge our own contributions.
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I do think judging our own accomplishments, and contributions to anything is very hard to do.
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Twenty years or so ago I earned my private pilot’s license and was very enthusiastic about sharing my new found hobby with anyone willing to crawl in the plane with me. A friend of my brother’s said his 15 year old stepson had always wanted to go flying, and would I give him a ride? I was happy to take the kid up, and during the brief flight even let him handle the controls a while. Turned out to be a great first flight and we both enjoyed it.
Flash forward twenty years. I no longer fly because of the cost, but still look up whenever I hear a plane cruise by. A few weeks ago this same kid, now a grown man, contacted me on facebook and said he not only went on to earn his pilot’s license, but owns his own crop-dusting service and is doing very well. He thanked me for taking him flying all those years ago and said that first flight had kindled the desire in him to pursue flying as a career.
You never know when or what you might do that will touch someone, but it’s sure nice to find out when it does.
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I love that, Justin. Thanks so much for sharing with us!
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I went back to university at 30 and got the same sorta reaction out of my fellow students. I didn’t think I was giving advice when I was sharing my experiences.
The thing is, I got as much advice out of their experiences as they did out of mine.
Don’t you like it when that happens?
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I Love it, Gigi!
What did you go back to university for? Did you accomplish your goals? Do you also have new ones? I think we should always have some goal, even f it’s only to stop drinking pop. (Yes, thats one of mine.LOL )
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I got A BA in Applied Social Science and A Masters in Library.
Right now, I’m in the process of considering cutting my work hours so that I’ll have time to write and hopefully find a way to get paid for it.
I’m also cutting out most sugar and am down to one pop a week!
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I’ve had too many influences in my life not to believe you’re never too old. In fact, I gave the “never too old” lecture to a professor when I was in my twenties.
I walked away from a lucrative, prestigious career when I was forty. I was totally miserable, and my emotional state played havoc with my blood pressure. Everyone thought I was nuts, but working retail part-time and writing makes me happier than I’ve been in years.
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YAY suzan! I think for a while that we, as a society, got way too wrapped up in the trappings of life to enjoy living it. It’s wonderful to hear people say they changed, and found happiness.
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Such a great post, Sasha. I come to Genreality and to Charlene’s blog when I need a dose of straight talk, and neither have failed me yet.
I was born dreaming. For the first 14 years of my life, my dream was to be a singer. Pretty much from birth, yes.
I don’t remember ever not loving music. At 14, a music teacher kinda killed that dream for me – ultimately I let him, but he was the catalyst. That’s when I started writing. And unlike with singing, this time I won’t be dissuaded. I have one book out now and another about to be contracted with a small epress and two more I’m waiting to hear on. I have more stories inside me than I have time to write, and that’s a wonderful thing.
Thank you, Sasha…your post was just what I needed today.
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YAY Cara. Keep dreaming, and I wish you luck in your pursuits of them!
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I have a dream to be a published writer one day. Reading blogs like this encourage me. as I learn more and more about publishing.
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I’m so glad you find encouragement here. Goo Luck with your writing, Diamond.
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Not just dreaming about getting published, but actively trying to work toward it.
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Shawna, dreaming only gets you so far, working on it will get you a lot farther. Keep going!! *grin*
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My dream is to have one of my books made into a movie and this girl is going to write the screenplay.
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I’m a huge movie buff, Kim. Good Luck with that. Be sure to share your news with us here, and I’ll be first in line to see it when it happens.