GENREALITY

originally posted at Blah Blog, July 17, 2006 (embedded links may no longer be available)

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One of the daily thought type emails I received awhile back talked about discouragement based on obstacles standing in the way of our goals. One that I found most interesting was this:

It is amazing how often we can get in our own way without even being aware that we are doing so. Even though we truly want to succeed, there are many reasons why we may sometimes block our own efforts. It may be that we are afraid to succeed, so we subconsciously create circumstances to keep ourselves stuck. Or it may even be that we are afraid that we will succeed, so we block ourselves by making the achievement of our goals more difficult than they really are. We may even approach our goals in a way that keeps creating the same unsuccessful results.

We talk about fear of failure, but I don’t think we consider fear of success as often. Think about authors you know whose success has meant losing friends, suffering excessive professional jealousy, sacrificing long lazy hours of family time and spending the same touring, signing, pimping. *g* Many authors are private people, hermits of the worst sort. Success puts us into the limelight, but if you believe all the publicity blogs out there, we give up that privacy the minute we sell a book, and we become promotional machines.

From an older CNNMoney.com article on the fear of success: Shrinks have been studying the problem since 1915, when Freud wrote an essay called “Those Wrecked by Success.” He noted the “surprising and even bewildering” tendency of some people to fall apart “precisely when a deeply rooted and long-cherished wish has come to fulfillment…as though they were not able to tolerate happiness.” (…) Says Elissa Sklaroff, a therapist in Philadelphia who treats success-fearing executives: “Being on the brink of success brings a crisis, and all of our neuroses pop right up to the surface. On some level, success-fearing people are running from change–especially from having to change their secret self-image as an unsuccessful or undeserving person.”

The public face isn’t the only success fear factor. Coping.org defines fear of success as follows:

* Fear that you will accomplish all that you set out to, but that you still won’t be happy, content, or satisfied once you reach your goal.
* Belief that you are undeserving of all the good things and recognition that come your way as a result of your accomplishments and successes.
* Opposite of fear of failure, in that fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes and losing approval. Fear of success is the fear of accomplishment and being recognized and honored.
* Lack of belief in your own ability to sustain your progress, and the accomplishments you have achieved in your life.
* Fear that your accomplishments can self-destruct at anytime.
* Belief that no matter how much you are able to achieve or accomplish, it will never be enough to sustain success.
* Belief that there are others out there who are better than you, who will replace or displace you if you do not maintain your performance record.
* Belief that success is an end in itself; yet that end is not enough to sustain your interest and/or commitment.
* Fear that once you have achieved the goals you have worked diligently for, the motivation to continue will fade.
* Fear that you will find no happiness in your accomplishments; that you will be perpetually dissatisfied with life.

In a Psychology Today article, Ti Caine, a hypnotherapist and life coach based in Sherman Oaks, California says, “Our culture is focused on fixing the past. It’s as if we are driving through life staring in the rear-view mirror.” That really resonates with me. I tend to look back at what I would have done differently instead of looking ahead. Ti also says, “The fear of success is a very unique issue that arises when you are genuinely creating change and moving forward in your life. The fear of success is very real because the future is real-we’re all heading there-and what we imagine for our future has an enormous influence on us.”

I found an old quiz at Fortune.com to help determine if you have a fear of success. Though the quiz is no longer active, looking at the questions really opened my eyes . . .

1. I generally feel guilty about my own happiness if a friend tells me that (s)he’s depressed.

2. I frequently find myself not telling others about my good luck so they won’t have to feel envious.

3. I have trouble saying no to people.

4. Before getting down to work on a project, I suddenly find a whole bunch of other things to take care of first.

5. I tend to believe that people who look out for themselves first are selfish.

6. When someone I know well succeeds at something, I usually feel that I’ve lost out in comparison.

7. I rarely have trouble concentrating on something for a long period of time.

8. When I have to ask others for their help, I feel that I’m being bothersome.

9. I often compromise in situations to avoid conflict.

10. When I’ve made a decision, I usually stick to it.

11. I feel self-conscious when someone who “counts” compliments me.

12. When I’m involved in a competitive activity (sports, a game, work), I’m often so concerned with how well I’m doing that I don’t enjoy the activity as much as I could.

13. A sure-fire way to end up disappointed is to want something too much.

14. Instead of wanting to celebrate, I feel let down after completing an important task or project.

15. Mostly, I find that I measure up to the standards that I set for myself.

16. When things seem to be going really well for me, I get uneasy that I’ll do something to ruin it.

What about it? Anyone have tips for coping that have helped them get through? Such a fear is in no way limited to writing, so share any positive steps you have taken! We fearful sort would love to hear them. *g*

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