I recently had to cut 1,500 words from a 9,000 word short story to meet the 7,500 word guideline requirement. Daunting, yes? That’s nothing compared to tales I’ve heard of authors needing to cut 50,000 words from a 200,000 fantasy epic manuscript in order to meet an editor’s requirements. That’s cutting a whole other novel out of your novel!
But there’s a trick that especially works on short pieces, and even works surprisingly well on long pieces. Before you go cutting entire scenes, characters, and plotlines from the piece, start cutting out words. Just words.
I have a tendency to repeat descriptions — using two images when just one will do. (I’ve figured out that this is because when I’m writing the first draft I think of two descriptions and can’t decide which is better. In the revision stage, I really ought to pick just one.) I’ll write cluttered paragraphs full of simple sentences, which I can combine into a couple of complex or compound sentences. Then there’s filtering words.
One way to slim down your prose, making it tighter and more impactful, is to take out filtering words. These phrases put extra, unnecessary wordage between your reader and the story. They seem to happen a lot when authors write in a narrow point of view — close third person or first person. So instead of showing the reader what’s happening, we instead have the main character telling us what’s happening.
She saw the man hurry away from the car and drop the package over the side of the bridge, and then heard the splash in the water below.
Compare that to this:
The man hurried away from the car and dropped the package over the side of the bridge. Far below, the water splashed.
If you’re already writing in a close third person point of view, the “she saw” and “she heard” is implied. We’re already in the characters’ head and don’t need the reminder. Removing those phrases puts the reader firmly in the action. You the reader are watching the action unfold, rather than watching the main character watch the action, which is kind of boring when you get right down to it.
Plus, it’s 28 words versus 22 words. I’ve cut out 6 words in one sentence. If I can do that let’s say three time per page on a forty-page short story: that’s 720 of the 1,500 words I need to cut. Extrapolate that to a 500-page manuscript: that’s 9,000 words gone. 9,000 extra words you can use for character and plot development rather than extraneous description.
It works on first person as well: I heard the explosion roar and as the fireball expanded, felt its heat wash over me.
Instead, try this: The explosion roared, and as the fireball expanded, its heat washed over me.
Or this one: She wondered if she was taking the situation too seriously, and she thought if she asked him, she’d learn that the problem was under control after all.
Try this instead: Maybe she was taking the situation too seriously, and if she asked him, he’d tell her the problem was under control after all.
Its one of the tenets of good writing that you shouldn’t use eight words when you can use four. Being less wordy, clearer, and more impactful gives you a better chance of sucking your reader in.
I see filtering words all the time, even in published books. But this is one simple step you can take to raise your prose to the next level. Readers won’t always know exactly why your writing stands out, because in truth filtering phrases are often invisible. But they will recognize that your writing is punchier, more vivid, and they’re sucked in more than they are with a book where filtering phrases are rampant.
Some phrases to watch for: He/she knew, she realized, she noticed, she saw, she heard, she felt, she wondered. And so on.
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The ‘realized, heard, saw, felt. yada yada,’ are always the first to go for me because I seem to love the darned things. I’ve gotten much better over time though not even using them to start with which really helps in edits. Even then, I can still cut a good deal out getting rid of similar things.
Thanks for the refresher.
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Thank you for the wonderful tip. I’m always trying to figure out how to better polish my manuscripts.
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Thanks! I needed the reminder – I’m doing a novel in 1st person and it’s my first time in that POV after a while, and my filtering is proliferating left and right – I’m almost afraid to cut it, half my manuscript will disappear! hehe
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Shiloh,
Good comments and good direction.
I will inevitably put down a book that’s written from inside someone else’s head (”she saw,” etc.).
I will likely shred a book in which the author is inside everyone’s head – “he felt sure she knew …” “she shuddered to think that he knew …”
I’m going through 150 pages right now deleting excessive &/or unnecessary description.
N.
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Meant to comment on this when I initially read it last Monday but time got away from me and before I knew it, I had to leave work and go home.
Naturally I do my blog hopping while at the day job.
Anyway, my first MS was over 600 pages long. You ever try to trim 200 pages of a book? I still get the sweats thinking about it. This was when I was a total newbie and didn’t have a clue as to what length was the norm. However, I did manage to trim the hell out of it and its actually the second book I sold to Samhain Publishing – “Promise for Tomorrow”. So there is always hope for that book you think is unsalvagable.