Archive for July 17th, 2009

Friday, July 17th, 2009 by LViehl
Write Club

This week I’m over at my author blog running a series of virtual writing workshops while simultaneously finishing up a rush job for my editor, so today’s post must be brief by necessity. Or, I have to keep it short because I’m on my fifth workshop, my six hundredth or so comment, the second rewrite of the scene in Chapter Seven that is so lame Christ couldn’t heal it, and I think I can now actually feel my brain getting extra crispy.

What the heck. If I wasn’t doing nine thousand things at once, I’d be an very unhappy little camper.

Here’s a short parody piece I wrote up to honor every writer who doesn’t throw in the towel, even when s/he probably should:

The Rules of Write Club

1st Rule: You do not talk about Write Club.

2nd Rule: You DO NOT talk about Write Club.

3rd Rule: If the muse says “over the top”, calls your protagonist a wimp, or wants cheesecake, the writing is over.

4th Rule: Only one coincidence per novel.

5th Rule: One plot twist at a time. Okay, maybe two. But that’s all.

6th Rule: No shoes. Bunny slippers.

7th Rule: Writing will go on as long as it has to, or until it’s six hours before you punch in, or someone wants their dinner, whichever comes first.

8th Rule: If this is your first shot at Write Club, you HAVE to write.

Man, I see in write club the strongest and smartest writers who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. Gosh darn it, an entire generation sick with con crud, waiting for the PW starred review; slaves with pay-upon-publication collars. Working day jobs we hate so we can buy widgets we don’t need. We’ve all been brainwashed by People magazine to believe that one day we’d all be millionaire bestsellers, and vidlit gods, and Book-TV rock stars.

But we won’t.

And we’re slowly learning that reality (now everyone, wave to your editors.)

And we’re really, really pissed off.

Which is why we need the bunny slippers.